I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently; existential bullshit as my father calls it. My thoughts range from what’s the point, to what’s next, to why I am the way I am, to what I should or shouldn’t do with respect to all sorts of things.
My wandering thoughts all come about to the same conclusion: it’s my life, and it won’t last forever, better enjoy it while I can. What I always hear is that when older people think back on their lives the only things they usually regret are the things they didn’t do. I’m not going to be like that.
I *may* have recently made a rather overt pass at a man I’m friends with, that I met through work, that I’m very much attracted to. He kindly turned me down and it seems like he can handle continuing to be friends. The thing is though, I don’t regret it. Maybe I should, maybe I should be embarrassed by my behaviour; but I’m not.
I’ve always thought that regret, as an emotion, is a waste of time and energy. I wouldn’t know if he was interested or not if I hadn’t tried. Now I know and I can move on. It beats harbouring a middle-school-esque crush on him and never being sure what would happen. So, for my part, I regret very little in my life thus far and intend to continue that trend.
Even the stuff that doesn’t end well, I still learn something and I’m never left wondering. For what it’s worth, I’ve enjoyed every crazy thing I’ve done, every unique experience, and every surprise ending!
The day my Great Aunt Mary died, she played bridge with friends at brunch and had planned a cocktail party for later that evening. She went in for a procedure in the afternoon and died. I mean sure it’s sad, but I promise you that crazy, eccentric, “special water” at anytime of day drinking woman never left anything on the table and went out with no regrets!
I’m not going to leave anything on the table either. I’m going to keep zip lining through the Costa Rican cloud forest, traveling wherever I damn well feel like whenever I damn well feel like, making passes at amazing older men and hoping for the best, and eating dessert at every decent restaurant I try! Whenever I’m done with this place I’m not going to regret a thing.